Release: May 22nd Runtime: 2 hrs 4 mins
Director: Steven Spielberg
Screenwriter: David Koepp
Starring: Harrison Ford, Shia LaBeof, Cat Blanchett
Story: 4/10
Acting: 4/10
Originality: 3/10
Pacing: 3/10
Enjoyment: 3/10
Final Score: 3.4
Terrible
R.I.P. Indiana Jones Franchise, 5.22.08
Right around the time that Shia LaBeouf started doing his best Tarzan impression by swinging around in the trees with a bunch of monkeys; I knew all hope had been lost of enjoying this movie. In case you’re wondering that comes right around the mid-point of the overly long (2hrs 4mins) new adventure of Indiana Jones. This is a bad movie, which is a shame for such an original movie character that has become such an icon in cinematic history.
One of the biggest problems this movie has is its seemingly never ending quest to alleviate any amount of believability. Some of the more egregious errors in reality include of all things alien space ships, giant man eating ants, and Indian Jones himself surviving a nuclear blast in a refrigerator. I know movies like this are meant to stretch the boundaries of reality in favor of some breath taking action, but the chase and fight sequences here are laughably bad, making for more than one groan inducing sigh. These scenes make the whole movie feel like a live action Looney Tunes affair.
This wouldn’t be such an enormous problem if the Indian Jones films were that kind of movie, but the previous Indy movies have all been smarter and avoided these lazy tactics. For instance, this movie would rather have its characters do a balancing act while standing and fighting on moving jeeps that race around the jungle avoiding Gatling gun fire. While in contrast, probably the one of the most memorable fight sequence from the earlier movies is when Indy is faced with a swordsman considerable skill. Instead of fighting him in a long drawing out battle, Indy pulls out a gun and shoots him.
That scene is also a humorous one, a characteristic of prior Indiana Jones movies that is ruined in this latest incarnation as well. What does the Crystal Skull do to insight humor? How about having Shia LaBeouf get hit in the groan several times with a branch. Screenwriter David Koep and increasingly less creditable George Lucas must have watched a lot of America’s Funniest Home Videos if this is their idea of comedy. The script also suffers from an uninteresting plot that one couldn’t possible get invested in and serves up plot devices that go absolutely no where. What was the end result of Indian Jones looking into the skeletons’ eyes anyway?
Harrison Ford isn’t helping things out either; he is in complete phone-in mode here. The whole time his character seems self aware that he was only brought out of retirement to make a quick buck. Most of the interactions he has with Mutt (LaBeouf) feel like there at the level of a table read. Blanchett, also makes for an uninteresting character and her main villain never rises above the one dimension quest for power which drives her motives.
It is really surprising that this movie would come from Steven Spielberg who hasn’t had this bad of a movie outing in quite awhile. I’ve come to expect this now from George Lucas, but I had hoped Spielberg would act as a governor to quarrel Lucas recent trend in films. This movie along with the recent new Star Wars film only solidify that George was never told one simple rule while growing up; Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Yes, you could revive an action hero after almost 20 years and make a lot some cash, but it doesn’t mean that you should.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a movie that should be avoided at all cost. For long time fans of the series, this movie will only ruin what you loved, and for moviegoers new to the franchise, this movie will only make you wonder what all the fuss was about. Simply put, do not go see this movie and let’s hope this will actually be the last crusade.
